That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
