Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
