you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
