Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
