3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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