no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
