a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
