thus making me awesome and them whores
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
