my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
