In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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