Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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