Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
