Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
