so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
