I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
