Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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