He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
