Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
