i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We are two peas in an std pod
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
