reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
