Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
