A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
