When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
