Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
