I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
