Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
