i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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