Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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