I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
