Are we in a gay sports bar?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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