apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
