Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
