..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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