I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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