her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
