I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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