Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
