last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
