I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
