come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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