Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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