i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
