you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I forget how to act sober
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
