Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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