Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
