I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
