Swine flu is the new snow day.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
