my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
