He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
