And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
