He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
