I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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