maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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