I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
